“The divine services are a mirror of the state of our souls; whatever we worship, whatever we most care about come to mind during the services.”
I saw this on my friend Christopher Orr’s blog and it immediately seized my attention. It happens to everyone. We all get our thoughts out wandering the strawberry patch during worship. We all react to the things at hand: boredom, pleasure, anger at the people, the pastor, the time, the temperature. If this statement is true, if worship is the barometer of our souls, we should note that all of us bottom out with a big fat zero.
But is it true? Is that what is going on? Is it what we really care about most?
I remember the time standing in St. Mark Lutheran Church while the congregation was apathetically singing the “Hymn of Praise” in the Divine Service. I was at least as apathetic as they–I was composing my to-do list. When I mentally added “Do Laundry,” I can still remember how stupid I felt getting distracted by that. Why in the name of all that is holy was I ignoring Him and thinking about washing blue jeans? So maybe that quotation is wrong. I don’t care about laundry, yet that’s what was occupying my attention at the time.
But I did–and do–care about getting stuff done. About having my life in order. About attending obligations. About work, even housework if that’s what demands attention.
It has taken me years to figure it out, but in those days I treated worship as just one more thing on my laundry list of chores. I was there, it was done, now mentally onto the next thing so that…well, so I could do whatever was really more important to me in those days.
St. Simeon prophesied to the Virgin Mary, “Behold, this child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed (and a sword will pierce through your own soul also), so that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed.” (Luke 2:34 ESV) I usually read those words to mean my thoughts about Jesus–in like a generic sense. But the prophesy is true and comes to us week in and week out. We meet Him in the divine service, and He does His work. What’s inside bubbles out when Christ is there.
And that is pretty ugly stuff. Well, not so ugly by my standards. I mean, most of the time what bubbles up still runs along Route Getting Things Done, or other work-related things. Maybe half the people in pews are thinking about sports. Heck, even I am thinking about sports sometimes. Not so ugly, I mean, not like sex and hatred and drugs and addiction.
But it is ugly when we lay them open to the Son of God. Because they’re replacing him with stupid trash in our hearts and minds.
What do we do about it? Repent. That’s all we can do. Throw the thoughts out–whatever the thoughts are, no matter how important they seem, no matter how innocuous they appear. Repent of them and lift up your hearts.
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I thought this quote put up by Christopher was an exceptional bit of insight from the Athonite. C.S. Lewis once said something along the same vein.
“When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected; I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself. Now that may be an extenuating circumstance as regards those particular acts; they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated. On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth?”
Rather than being overwhelmed by the darkness we may find within ourselves, you point to the right way to deal with it…repentance.